It’s a big week in the Angleton household. Son number one is preparing to leave this weekend for his first college move-in day.
I’m okay. Mostly. I’ve never been one of those moms who wanted to keep my kids from growing up because I just enjoyed them so much when they were babies. I did, but to be honest, every stage has come with its own frustrations and moments of joy. I know this one will, too.
I look forward to seeing what this smart, funny, loving, messy eighteen-year-old with the whole world open to him does with his independence and how he will change and grow over the coming weeks, months, and years. And yes, I’m a little scared, too, to watch it all unfold.
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I still get sort of misty eyed when I think about the first time I dropped him off at preschool and he came home with knowledge someone besides me put into his little head. Driving away from him at college will be kind of like that, I imagine, only harder because I won’t get to pick him up three hours later.
So, we’ve spent this week organizing and packing, making sure he’s equipped with all the things he will need—extra-long bedsheets, a brand-new computer, and the best advice I have to offer. I did not, however, think to tell him what not to do in college. That is until I stumbled on a little book that pretty much covers it.
The book is The College Freshman’s Don’t Book by George Fullerton Evans, published in 1910. If you have the time and inclination, it is a pretty delightful read. As you might imagine, some of the advice is a bit dated, and I feel quite certain is fairly tongue-in-cheek. I doubt, for example, my son needs to be told to leave his fine china and Turkish rugs at home, and it’s unlikely he would choose to carry a cane or wear an excessively tall hat, which are frankly, pretentious things for a freshman to do.
But it contains some highly useful don’ts, too, such as:
- “Don’t imagine that you own the College Town from the moment you strike it.”
- “Don’t think that Exams can be passed without any preparation.”
- “Don’t put off that long piece of written work till the night before it is due.”
- “Don’t be surprised or disappointed, if you find you have neither time nor inclination to keep up with everything you thought you would, when first coming to College.”
- “Don’t hesitate to hear other people’s opinions. The World did not begin, nor will it end, with you.”
I especially like that last one, and I sincerely hope it is a lesson my son will carry with him into the wider world.
There are two more pieces of advice in the book’s long list of don’ts that I find particularly important. They say this: “Don’t forget to receive your visitors as if you were glad to see them,” and “Don’t forget to write home once every so often. Mama and Papa are always glad to see the College-town postmark.”
Of course, I do stand a better chance of getting a text or call or even an email than an actual letter, which outside of mandatory thank you notes, I doubt he’s ever written in his life. But any contact at all would be nice. I hope a little enthusiasm when I occasionally visit isn’t too much to ask, either.
What I do know is that for all the don’ts that I hope he won’t do, my young adult son is going to do and discover and learn amazing things. It won’t be long at all until he doesn’t miss me nearly as much as I will still miss him. And also, I’m okay. Mostly.
Author Sarah Angleton 
I bet you are an excellent mom and he will excel. 😊
I guess we’re about to find out.
Oh my, I’m in my mid 70s and I’m getting all teary on your behalf. Love the 1910 book, sounds most excellent. May I wish your son all the very best as he (and you) set out on this great adventure
Thank you. He will do great. He’s ready. I’m ready, too. There are just moments when it hits me a little harder.
Congratulations and well wishes to him. I wound up on a bunny trail reading the booklet. I agree that while some of the references are dated and should be taken with a grain of NaCl, much of the advice is actually pretty sound. He’ll do well and you will get through this.
Thank you. I think he will do well. And I know I will get through it. In many ways, I’m as ready for him to leave as he is. I keep thinking that should make it easier, but somehow, it doesn’t.
I meant to ask what subjects he’s chosen?
He’ll be studying nuclear engineering, a passion he most certainly did not inherit from his mother.
Nuclear engineering? V interesting indeed
We’ve pretty much known since he was about three that he was probably headed for some kind of engineering (that’s when he made adjustments to the printed design on one of his building toys for increased stability because he heard us mention it was about to storm), but nuclear was a surprise to me. He’s enthusiastic, though.
He sounds amazing, quick to pick up implications and then work out what’s needed re necessary adjustments ‘cos of the predicted stormy. Prob v good at maths too(?) The only body I can recall knowing in that partic field of physics was a friend’s father back in the day (1960s-early 80s) who was a specialist in pressure vessels re containment.
He’s going to have great fun (and lots of maths)
Yes, he’s very good at math. Much better than I ever was. He finds it fairly intuitive.
My son started university two years ago but he is still living at home. That is hard enough.
That seems hard, too, because the relationship shifts even though the living arrangements have not. It sure is hard and wonderful and scary and exciting to watch them grow up.
Yes, motherhood is not for the faint of heart ❤️
Congratulations to the family on reaching such a milestone! (And congrats on capturing the occasion with words. Words can be more vivid than any photograph!)
Thank you. It’s a tricky thing to try to express. Lot’s of mixed up emotions.
My wife learned what email was and finally secured an address in the 1990’s when she found I was communicating with our sons through my work account and she was hearing nothing firsthand.
I know I wouldn’t hesitate to download some new fangled app if that was the best way to get to hear from him.
Just dropped my math- and physics-loving daughter off for the first year at Big U to pursue an engineering degree. Thanks for this blog post. It sums up my feelings about the whole experience. I’m okay-mostly.
I sent off a silly text this morning (first day of classes) to ask for a first day of freshman year photo. He sent a selfie right away. He’s alive and smiling and up, dressed, and apparently on campus, so it’s going well so far, I guess. Good luck to your daughter! And to you. It’s a strange set of feelings for sure.